he'd wish it was someone else.

1, 2, 3, 4 - Plain White Ts

an excerpt:

Somehow, there would always be this attachment to you. I would always feel the same things, whatever you do, whoever you are. You are the right kind of wrong for me, and maybe, that's part of your charm. There has been numerous times that I have lost you, but after a while, our lives seem to find each other, like it is intertwined in some weird way. I know that this love for you would never go away, no, not until we finally BE together, and that proximity would end all longing, and ruin the friendship, the memories. I love you, I would always will.

the way i see it # 76

i have been having starbucks coffee a whole lot ever since 2009 came
around.
maybe because my boss had a sudden addiction to it or it's just that the
weather is geting colder.
but when i went out to have some during friday the 13th; it was my first
time to notice the 'the way i see it' stuff on the back of the cup.

somehow #76 by Anne Morriss hit me as a valentine's day entry.

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating-in work, in play, in
love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the
fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation.
To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

the liberating feeling of being able to really show yourself to someone that you know for sure would never reject you is the reason why everyone looks for "the one". in the process though, we often forget that first and foremost, God has already given us that- our family. in the course of wanting to be able to live in certain standards that our community upholds, driving us to want and acquire, and then want more, makes us forget and ignore the important things in life, just not be able to see our family as people that we could share everything with.

hope y'all had a happy heart's day.

hey, i'm actually an expert at something

i've got this bum life down phat.

all that's holding me back-is me.

soooo...
it's february 11. neat. i've been @ my sister's place sitting around, cleaning, organizing, watching lotsa movies, taking care of 3 dogs, and stuffing myself with microwavable food for (tantananuuunnn) 8 days. whoosh. didn't feel the days passing. ugh. the story of my life.

time passing without anything happening to me-except for stupid things of course.
yesterday, i had to go out and buy me some groceries, because i was running low on everything that i could pop unto the microwave. sooo, since i literally cannot drive, even if i have 2 cars sitting outside, and 2 car keys within my reach...i had to walk-to and from. and in the process of making my arms hurt and cutting off blood supply to my extremities-i left the house keys in the doorknob... OUTSIDE. the whole night. yikes. i had the management change the door knob. since stupid me did something stupid.

anyway, the point of the entry is.
my sister is a bitch.
a bitch that gets everything she wants and experiences a whole lot of fun in life, because-she can.
i saw her pictures from over the years. when she was my age, she was living on her own, and experiencing life.
me, i sit around cooped up in a house, because i can stand it. even though i can go out and talk to the neighbors. even if i can find a way to get to the mall. even if i can go out and walk to possible employment. i don't because,
i shy away from life.

soo, with these realizations...and the desperate need of money so that one can live in this world, i would wake up early tomorrow and walk to places where there could be job possibilities.

and i would also make the neighbors some valentine's gifts-bec. theyve been so nice to me... moving my sister's cars when i can't.

loneliness, is that what you call it?

i've never been alone in a house or dorm for a full 24 hrs before.
now it's been 3 days that i've been cooped up in my sisters studio while shes out frolicking in the sun. i hope that she gets relaxed and rested. to make this stay of mine worth while. im working my ass off here, without pay. ugh.


and the rain is NOT helping.

a repost of feelings

Ever had the feeling that you are disconnected from everything? It sucks. It doesn’t feel good.
I feel so disconnected from my bestfriends and friends. It feels awful. I see them and they seem so happy and content. I wonder if they feel disconnected from me. You try to reach out but you can’t reach them. I miss them but I wonder if the(y) miss me too.
I feel lonely. Someone hug me.

i saw this at LOLWUT?
she just reposted it and i don't really know who she had reposted it from.

but, whoever you are...

same here.
same here.

i always told you

f'n NEVER lie to me.
f'n NEVER get together with her.
f'n NEVER disregard me.
f'n BE someone I would want to have in my life.

you just showed me what your priorities are.

i told you to NEVER make me mad.
you know the consequences.

the sky was smiling

i tried to capture the night's smile.

they are chasing after me.

it's like one nightmare after another.