heartbreak

the thing about this job;
it's not the physical aspects of what you do that get you tired,
it's how it hits your heart right in between the eyes.
emotionally,
being a caregiver is straining.

in the beginning, you will have this profound feeling of being sorry for those you care for.
they are old, lonely, bored and their family seem to have little time for them, that's why they are at a board and care for the aged.

but then, time passes, and you get to know these people more,
but they do not know or remember you.
you have conversations, you have arguments,
but the next day,
you are a stranger to them,
yet again.

then your loneliness kicks in.
homesick for those you love, you get tired more.
you become more sluggish and sedentary.

irritation for those you are caring for, is what you would feel at this point in time.
their habits, their problems, their being difficult, their being demanding..
it gets to you. and you just want to argue with them,
although even if you won the argument,
you would turn out to be the loser,
because you argued with a person who has dementia.
or alzheimer's.
and they won't care who won.
they won't even remember what you argued about.

all your days boils down to a few hundred dollars.
all these emotions felt boils down to the fact that you are bored, lonely, and down in life.
just like those you are caring for.