thy little despididas

i'm leaving this weekend.

so i decided that i should go see all the people that i considered my 'friends'.
today, i was with some of my elementary friends.
yep, elementary.

it was a simple get together at a friend's house, i simply brought a lot of snacks.^^
we talked a bit, and did what everyone i know just seems to like to do in gatherings like this~videoke.

i simply don't know WHY almost everyone i know worships magic sing. i myself like singing to tunes once in a while, but do magic sing for hours? ugh. but that's not the point of this entry.

the point of this entry is,
i haven't seen this people for years. it's my fault really, i got too busy doing other stuff and just never had time or never used my resources to atleast let them know that i DO think of them from time to time, and that i DO miss them.
i don't know their lives anymore.

but a few days ago, i called and texted them if we can go see each other.
it's mean that i just went to see them and want to because i'm leaving...but to make a long story short, a quarrel came up years ago, and it just turned me off. so...i just never communicated again. now, i regret doing that.

i know they were mad because it seemed that i forgot about them.
but when i asked them to come see each other, they had no second thoughts in doing so.
when i was with them, i realized how much i MISSED these people.
and now that i'm off to another continent.....
it's harder to get closer to them now.

lost time.

heartache, heartbreak

i never was popular. i never wanted to. i'm just not that type.
always, i belonged to a small circle of friends.
back in elementary school, there was just three of us.
then in middle school, there was just three of us.
in highschool, we were five..but really there's supposed to be seven of us.
and in college, we were five too.

i'm counting here.
rambling.

i'm counting because i don't know what happened to these 'close friends'.
somehow, not even one is left.

i don't know where i went wrong.
relationships changed i guess.
but somehow, they all leave me feeling that i was a lousy friend.

i do take time to contact them. but they're just, i don't know unreachable?

and in the course of the friendship, sometimes, you see their bad sides.
and it turns me off.

i just, up and leave.
it takes me years to forgive.
and i never forget.

i remember, one friend, took a boyfriend away.
then another quarreled with me because of a petty misunderstanding about money.
i just went away. and i still long to yell "eff you betch!". hehehe.

anyway.

hmm, did they give up?
or did i?