dawn of a new age.

tough. very tough.
that you have to be when you are one of the new age kids.

new age kids defined as; kids with a dysfunctional family and/or very quarrelsome parents(that you have no effing idea why they got married in the first place).

really.
my sister complains that she's lonely.
yes, that's tough too, because you literally feel like you have NO family. and people around her are like in a rat race that never stops. so friends or no friends, nobody takes care of her.

but like the coin that Scarface (of the Batman Series) always flips...
life has two sides.
the squeaky clean and the scarred.

i have the family that takes care of you physically.
but scars you emotionally.

what cheesy crap.

what i hate most is...
i seem to cannot do anything to make it better
and i also obviously help make it worse.

reading what i just typed...
it looks like a fifteen year old was going through a tough time at home.
but, wait,
i turned twenty three today.

and this story is like a broken record that keeps on playing day after day after day...

it has been 8 years since i first cared.
it has been 8 years since i first understood.

how many more years will it take before all these disappears?

*sigh*

the parental unit never did choose the right time or place or manner to quarrel.
they just do.
whenever, wherever, however.
human emotions at war.
blah blah blah~ *crash!*

at the dawn of my 23rd year.
they made me realize...
how much i do NOT want to get married.

at the dawn of my 23rd year.
i feel like a 15 year old.

1825

we're celebrating 1825 days together.

whoa.
backtrack for a minute.

1825 days?!

i never really thought it would last this long.
i was like;
"3 months. tops."

wrong.

the recipe for a relationship to last this long...
"get a good guy."

harhar.
there.
i complemented you and insulted myself.^^

happy anniversary.

whew

totally relieved.

although i have a bad cold...
that i don't know where i got.

God is good!

and there i go again.

somehow...stupidity rules the roost in thy brain.

how many times have i been warned?
how many times did i tell myself to stop all this nonsense?
how many times have i talked to myself that this is not the right time?

err...

but still i go on.

this is the second time fear grips my heart.
and i am going to do something about it.

wish me luck.

(vague post)

booked.

Er..
My flight is booked on September 6th!!!!

Whew.
Really i feel relieved because i could ACTUALLY go.
But then, it now stresses me out unreasonably because there's so many things to do!

Things to do before i leave:
1. Pack all that i can bring.
2. Pack everything i cannot bring, store and label them.
3. Plan a birthday suplayss (surprise) for the boyfriend. *heck wait, that's tomorrow!*
4. Actually read the darned reviewer i bought because i cannot bring xeroxed materials.
5. See all my 'friends', * i wish i had money!* and hope that they have money to see me too. *it's so hard to be newly graduates.*
6. Spend a great anniversary this coming week!\m/
7. If i have the resources, have a birthday/despidida get together...
8. See my lola and her newly adopted grandchild.
9. Shop for last minute stuff.*eg. pasalubong
10. Do something about my hair. *hehehe.

It's sad though, because, really, i don't want to tell anyone that i'm leaving.
*so great that you guys don't know me.^^
But then, no one seems to have the cash or the time to get together with me.
Sadness!

try and try until you..

drop dead because of tiredness.

ugh.

i'm trying to reach out in means that i have.
*hugs the internet and computer*

i am unemployed.
hence no money for load.

i am unemployed.
hence no money for going out.

i am unemployed.
hence the reaching out to friends thru the internet.

and i wish they would too.

effort here!
effort!

on discoveries.

blogs are such treasure troves.
you can peek into a persons' character,
their deepest thoughts flagged before the whole world.

and i never knew that one sarcastic friend of mine has deep thingamajigs hidden under her tough shell...

i saw hints of it in our 7 years of friendship.
but i guess they never deem me as a person you can share deep dark thoughts or happy thoughts with...

hmmm..

blogs are so lucky.

hot dem

you are so effin FAKE.

that's all.
*bow*

heartache, heartbreak

i never was popular. i never wanted to. i'm just not that type.
always, i belonged to a small circle of friends.
back in elementary school, there was just three of us.
then in middle school, there was just three of us.
in highschool, we were five..but really there's supposed to be seven of us.
and in college, we were five too.

i'm counting here.
rambling.

i'm counting because i don't know what happened to these 'close friends'.
somehow, not even one is left.

i don't know where i went wrong.
relationships changed i guess.
but somehow, they all leave me feeling that i was a lousy friend.

i do take time to contact them. but they're just, i don't know unreachable?

and in the course of the friendship, sometimes, you see their bad sides.
and it turns me off.

i just, up and leave.
it takes me years to forgive.
and i never forget.

i remember, one friend, took a boyfriend away.
then another quarreled with me because of a petty misunderstanding about money.
i just went away. and i still long to yell "eff you betch!". hehehe.

anyway.

hmm, did they give up?
or did i?

Katrina Holigores

I just love how she writes.
Two of her previous Inquirer columns are saved in an old diary(read: DIARY. i just discovered multiply in 2006 and blogging in 2008).

Here are some excerpts from The Unreality of Today's Reality and Playing by the Rules.

Keeping it real has never been such an Extra Challenge. We are riveted by man-woman dynamics via Blind-Dates. gripped by Survivor Tactics during an Amazing Race, and have given an Ambush Makeover to the English language by breathing life to the term Queer-eye.
...
Think about it, if the life you and your friends lead is truly fabulous, why would you have time to pay attention to those whose lives aren't?

---

In the Game of life, we often hear ourselves cry "foul!". We feel cheated, discredited, unjustly passed from point A to B.
...
Life does play fair. We just have to follow some of its rules and remember how good it is to be a lifetime member.

---

See?
And often times, whenever her articles caught my eye, at that exact moment I was in need of those advices.
I look forward to having an archive of her work available.
In the meantime, here is her personal blog: Katrina Holigores

More power to you! :)