surrealism

18 days.


i've been here 18 days. and i feel like i have been here for years.





when i arrived, i was very eager to share how the flight was, i was so darned envious of this one guy across the aisle during the flight from guam to hawaii...he was able to talk to his girlfriend and was entertaining himself with his PSP, he was also using his laptop...





ugh.


shallow wants.





i feel like i took a big leap from the child who NEVER wants to grow up,


to this very old and heartsick person who just wants to run away from everything childish or childlike or from anyone that tells me what to do...


and be able to stand up on her own.



i was excited to start.

and then all of a sudden, excitement was a thing of the past,
depression looms,
and reality takes a hold of me.