i live for..what?

There are 6.7 billion people in the world.
1,463,632,361 people using the internet.
33 million people are with HIV.
2.2 billion children.
We are also said to be in the Golden Age, because the number of old people is soaring.

There are dreams being fulfilled.
There are dreams being dreamt.
There are dreams being unreached.

How many people in the world may be giving up right now?
How many are lost?
Just like I am?

Back in 2000, i blamed myself for causing a move, getting my family split up and never really complete again. I blamed myself for being a burden. Just recently, i learned, that I was not the reason, I was a factor, but not the main reason. The main reason for that life changing move was, my parents gave up trying to make it work, my mother gave up being at the poor side of the spectrum of life. So we moved back to the Philippines, because $>Peso and whatever my father get from his job was enough for a middle class living.

Now, we're at a point that we are split up again, and my father typed out something that crushed me early today~ see what sacrifice we are going through(being split up for the holidays) just because of you.~
He blamed me for their mistakes. He blamed me for his stupid decision making. He blamed me! ME?!

Yeah, because i ASKED to be here. Because, i REQUIRED that my mother be here. Because I got my sister's car into an ACCIDENT. Because, I am the reason that my sister is so selfish that she had not helped us get settled here. Because I'm so dumb that I can't pass my licensure exam to earn money. Because I did it. Yeah, Blame it all on ME.

Blame me for your leech relatives.
Blame me for your disease.
Blame me, blame me, blame me!

My goal used to be to give back to my parents even just a fraction of what they give me, to let them live comfortably.
I'll still give you that.
but the first chance that I can be very far away from everyone, i'll go.
i'll just send you a postcard.

my parents used to be my reason to get up every day,
to somehow get through it and take a step towards my goal.

now, i don't know why i still get up.
why i still have to fight for no one.