silent tirade

with my sister, it's always never a conversation. because if you answer back, or try to make her see reason, or even just trying to make her hear your voice...it's impossible. she'll just tune you out, bitch about what you said, and get her way or twist whatever you say to something that'll piss her off. so i just don't say anything. i just let the all mighty diva rant on and on.

it just drives me crazy though, because i DO have something to say. i WANT her to see that in this life, it's never just about her and how she's having a hard time. and that in a relationship, ANY kind of relationship, there has to be a compromise. that it's not just TAKING, it's a give and take process.


maybe, it's true that she's not obligated to help her family.
and it's true that i will never be able to fly out here without her financially helping with the air fare, would never have found this caregiver job without her feeding us for the first 3 weeks, without her landline...
but the problem is,
she just wants us with her in her teeny tiny studio apartment, so that we could clean it for her and so that we could take care of her dogs. because she's busy. with her work. she took in three dogs to take care of when she can't even take care of herself anymore.
she doesn't realize that we were in that accident because we were trying SO hard to find a job a week after arriving because she's so suffocating. she always says how she's the one feeding us and how hard she's working for us that we were living off of her savings..yada yada yada.
we've been only with her for a WEEK! my mom put out the money for the groceries! we go where she wants to go, she rubs it in our faces that she takes us out, we do what she wants to do, it's hard to breathe when you're treated like a puppet without a brain.
THEN the accident. she wanted to kick us out because to HER, we intentionally went out that day to wreck her car. yeah, right.

my mom and i has been caregivers for almost 6 months now. we don't get enough sleep. we are constantly badgered by the golden girls, if we do get our day off with my sister, she just wants us to clean her house and take of her dogs. we have NO privacy and NO time alone. we're cooped up in a house 24/7 for a few measly dollars. and she f'ng calls here at night just to tell ME that she doesn't understand why we even came here at ALL when we can't help HER. help HER clean HER house. help HER pay HER bills, help HER take care of HER dogs. it's not our life we should think about, we should think about HER life, HER problems. HER, SHE, because in her life it's just " ME, MYSELF and fucking I".

her responsibilities are too much for her.
hell, welcome to life. that's everybody's story!

she also bought a new car.
WHILE we were here, cooped up as live in caregivers.
she said it was MY car, so I pay the bills.
i don't KNOW how to drive.

she said we should find live out caregiving jobs.
oh yeah, so we could be caregivers in the morning and be your slave at night. right.
gag me.

i'm tired.