if you had a choice, would you choose?

it's Martin Luther King's birthday today.
and it has nothing to do with how my day went, or how this post is going to turn out.

*_*

well, anyway...
it's a very tiring day. more than usual.
the golden girls has been more difficult lately. especially pilay(Mrs M. S.).
ever since her doctor took her off 2 of her previous medications, she has been more sarcastic, demanding and well, violent. her sarcasm and wild eyes does not help the fact that we chose not to have any day off and that we're burned out from staying to work here longer than we bargained for.
it's a mystery really, what happened to my moms' and my wages. because, it seems like we haven't any money saved up at all. there is my happy go lucky father and brothers that seem to ask for a lot of it back home, considering that they have my father's pention all to themselves because it's minus 2 in the household that the money used to support, oh wait, it's probably because my father does not know how to budget and he's gambling it off anyway, and maybe keep a girl or two to play with, let's also add his leech of a clan always at his side asking him for money because my mom is here.(selfish thoughts, but then those people are selfish too.) oh, oh, and there is that i sometimes shop too much, so that i could have that temporary stress free high of actually buying something.
so, hah.
it all still boils down that out of the 5 months i worked here, i have like 2 months' worth of wages saved up.

i was wondering earlier,
if i even should go back home,
because, speaking for my mom and myself,
wherever we go, it's still like hell, just in different levels.
it's different for her, it's different for me, but really...the basic factors of the places we can go make up those hell for us.
see, if she goes back to P.I., she'll be the caretaker of my father yet again; unwanted and unappreciated. and if I go back, there's the no freedom from the parents and minimal ways of being able to support myself decently if i decide to move out.
and if we stay at my sisters', well, she's difficult to live with-almost impossible. that's THAT.
and if we continue to work as caregivers=what with all our pride, that we seem to have met a fair amount of wackos these past 5 months, and well, caregiving, it really IS a stressing job. seriously.
you'll need serious counseling if you do these for years and years without a break. because it WILL take years before we'll be able so set up ourselves stable so that we could quit. we have to save up for a car, a monthly for the car, a monthly for an apartment, the downpayment, food, utility bills, not to mention insurance for health, the car, etc...it'll take ALOT of money to be able to set yourself free from caregiving so you could support yourself for a few months while looking for another job.
these, THESE, are our choices.
unless i get a go at the NPTE and pass, and THEN get a decent job. but STILL, there's the question of a car to drive, insurance, living with the 'impossible to live with' sister. ugh.

i know that my employers(they live with the golden girls and us at the care home)sometimes wonder why i'm always watching t.v., all these movies and series...i guess, it's pretty much the same reason why my mom can get so absorbed with celebrity news...it's easier to escape into their lives than think about ours.